Nawazuddin Siddiqui, who is understood for his highly effective performances and uncooked honesty, not too long ago opened up about one of many darkest phases of his life throughout a heartfelt dialog with Raj Shamani. The actor mirrored on the years earlier than 2012 — a interval marked by wrestle, rejection, and despair — when he even had suicidal ideas.In a uncommon second of vulnerability, the Gangs of Wasseypur star revealed that for years he lived in a loop of hope and disappointment. “Earlier than 2012, it usually occurred that I received alternatives after which misplaced them. I began believing that possibly I wasn’t meant to attain something important in life as a result of at any time when I received one thing, it slipped away,” Nawazuddin mentioned. He shared that a number of movies and initiatives he was presupposed to be a part of went to others, leaving him feeling helpless.
‘I believed nothing would ever occur for me’
The actor admitted that in that interval, his monetary situation was fragile and his self-belief had began to interrupt. “Everybody goes by means of a degree the place they really feel like giving up — you begin pondering possibly it’s destiny, possibly it’s dangerous luck. I used to suppose the identical: ‘Nothing will occur now.’ Then one thing small would give me hope once more. This cycle continued for 7–8 years,” he mentioned.Regardless of feeling defeated, he by no means misplaced his ardour for performing. “Finally, I accepted that possibly nothing huge would occur. I instructed myself, ‘Even when nothing occurs, I’ll nonetheless act — totally free if I’ve to, even on the streets.’ However when alternatives got here, I couldn’t consider they have been actual. I believed they’d be taken away too,” he recalled.After years of rejection, 2012 marked a breakthrough for the actor when three of his movies — Gangs of Wasseypur, Kahaani and Talaash — launched back-to-back. “That’s after I lastly began believing that issues do occur — they simply take time,” he mentioned.
‘I used to be surrounded by demise, I believed I would die too’
Opening up concerning the time he had suicidal ideas, Nawazuddin shared that the sensation got here a lot earlier, round 5 years earlier than his breakthrough. “A few of my pals had died — one in an accident, one other as a result of psychological sickness, one by suicide. We have been a bunch of struggling actors residing shut to one another, and I noticed a lot ache round me,” he revealed.
He described how the section took a toll on him bodily and mentally. “I had turn into very weak and skinny. My hair would fall out if I simply ran my fingers by means of it. I used to be torturing myself mentally. I genuinely thought I would die too,” he confessed.Recalling a haunting reminiscence, Nawazuddin mentioned, “There was even a time after I stood in conjunction with a railway observe. I used to be taking the practice and thought, ‘Ought to I simply step ahead?’ Then one other thought got here — ‘No, I shouldn’t depart like this. Life may forgive me, similar to performing has.’ And I stepped again.”
‘Life may forgive you too’
Right this moment, the actor sees that darkish section as the inspiration of his energy. From being a struggling actor who doubted his objective to turning into certainly one of India’s most revered performers, Nawazuddin’s story is a reminder that perseverance, even within the face of hopelessness, can flip ache into objective.